ala lng

walang pasok today..pero kickback ako ngaun..maaga pasok kunyari review..tpos on the way ko palabas..sa jeep xmpre..may babae tapos alam m yon..malakas kc ung ulan e pero check nia pa talaga sa labas kng umuulan nilabas nia pa kamay nia..hehe..ala lng..tpos ngkta kme ni pearl nd gaanong mgnda mood nia..aun ala lang..

3 days of review

To describe the feeling i had this past 3 days the pressure is not quite hard but i can feel it. An invisible pressure kills me more than the outside pressure i can see. Nalulungkot ako at sumasakit ang puso ko pag iniisip ko na mag boboard exam na ako. Ang lahat ng effort at sakripisyo nina mami at daddy para lang makapag review ako at pumasa ako ng board. Ayoko mabalewala ang mga pinaghirapan nila kaya sobra lalo ang pressure sa akin.

I will feel very sad and useless if i failed the boards. I am really setting my goals good and doing it quite on the schedule and on the right track. To describe the lecturers of PRN if it will always be the core lecturers my 16k will not be in vain. I hope that my efforts will be enough to pass and God will help me dealing with all this stress and barriers.

I have a dream and I don't know kung sa sakin nga ba talaga nag originate yun. Natatakot ako mangarap ng pangarap ng parang walang pupuntahan. Nakakaawa siguro akong klaseng tao dahil ala akong pangarap na pinupursue na akin. HMMM...sabagay ang pangarap ko na medyo bagay sa pinasok ko ngaun eh maging lecturer..kaso i don't know if I can really have the guts and the will to sacrifice most of my time studying.
In order to gain something you need to sacrifice something. Equivalent exchange applies to all i guess.

Sana super talino ko na! and sana inayos ko na from the start pa lang. I hate it kung ganito ako. Sana gumaling na ang pagkatamad ko na sakit. HAys..till next time..c u..dadating na tom si ate lai2..sana maging ok na ang lahat..ata? ang bahay ay sana maging ok.

summary

2weeks of not posting..makes me think that I have more priorities than blogging..hmm..that makes me feel bad..I am spending a lot of my time playing garena and OL game which I play warcraft with..I am nearing to the point that I will quit it..Just like darkthrone..I want to be sick of it and end it..My eyes hurt too much but I enjoyed it..
June 20 was the birthday of my nephew..It was fun..I enrolled 2 days ago at PRN that was monday, and I saw many people whom I will see daily in my everyday lives..I don't think I can do the boards as my status now..and I hope I will be better and be more disciplined..
I really want to know if I could be a nurse one day..someday..I hope I can be one..a good one that can help out others really..

The Strongest Prison

I am very grateful today. Being able to move on my own, my FREE WILL. Being able to still think of a BRIGHT future, having hopes and dreams. I am very grateful and i want to take care of this body, especially my mind.

I realized that what I did when I was still young was bad, banging my head. The mind is so hard to understand. How it works is a mystery to me, it is so powerful. As a matter of fact for me it can be the strongest prison ever made. It can restrict you fully for a long time. I really value more of this body.

I hope I can change for the best. The best that I can be. I don't want to have any regrets in life (who wants it though?). Life is still hard isn't it? You really need to work hard, which is contrary to me.

hayy.... I don't know what to do. I want to help but my mind imprisons me to do so. My mind makes my body so lazy! I hate it! I hope I am an escape artist so I could escape it easily. I hope I could help many people in simple things in my life. That I could share something helpful with them. But it seems I could not.

I wish I could change for a day. And see myself, how I relate to others. How bad I act to them. I wish I could be in japan and see the difference. Try to live a better me everyday realizing things I need to. I wish to be not me? How I wish I will wish something better soon. I wish to get out of this prison soon and find true freedom within.

Reigniting? or Reincarnated?

I presume that this is what i truly love. Even though I seem not to really know who I am in this 20years I have spent my time with myself. I thought I know everything I should know but everyday I see how bad I am. I think whatever kind of realization I may get it seems temporary all the time. Feelings are really temporary. Is it?

Dreams has it own prison, I think. All dreams that we want to come to past has its limitations, has its boundaries. A prison that limits us to do all we want to have. Whether direct or indirect prisons (e.g.: family, friends, acquaintances).

I want to write what i feel today. I feel I am totally useless. In addition I quote "you know MORE how useless you are when you grow older" isn't it? Is that so? I don't really know. I can't seem to argue, which normally I would do.

Starting from now, I will faithfully write to this blog. As an evidence of my living, not only for my use. I know my life is not inspiring, nor do I have trials to inspire others. I just want to look back to this when I am old. Which I should have done earlier before now.

Writing is really what I love to do. However what I am now, will not make me able to write more. Writing inspiration and influencing stories and poems, that is my dream. I also wanted to try for a day on how to be a Japanese. I really like their culture, not greater than our own, but still its quite good to understand more. I am a nationalist, but I see that Japanese people are more patriotic than my fellow Filipinos. If they can, we should be better! that's what I thought...

Will writing make me succeed? or make me happy instead? Will I be able to do things that could be helpful to others? I've grown to be so LAZY, VERY LAZY!!! I hate myself but couldn't change it. I live my life in the ID principle. I hope I could be better and help others a lot without making any bad comments after. I wish I could be someone like that, not that cool but very HELPFUL. The reality that I really helped and not just for its sense.

I want to have my own dream but it seems that I can't have one. Why? Why does other people have their own plans straightened up? And how can someone love forever sacrificially? I seem to not understand many things, and just asked myself why and just heard a blank answer. Why don't I have a concrete a dream? Why didn't I develop that? My foundations are really weak. I would love to have younger siblings. I would like to talk a lot of fun when eating.

I want to be ME, IF I could know and find the REAL me. It seems that I am a GAS CHAMELEON. I adapt much and doesn't have a concrete form. Is that it? I really don't know. I am very confused. However I am happy that my body still does what I command it to do, and I am very grateful to GOD for that. For still having my FREE WILL. I am very humbled and grateful, i don't know what to think next. Why does "pain" exist in this world? Is this a test for every people? An inescapable path. LIVE now and do what you can NOW, CHANGE for NOW and don't wait for the future to change you: the future is not sure, BUT NOW is at your hands: I think. That's what I think I have learned today.