Reigniting? or Reincarnated?

I presume that this is what i truly love. Even though I seem not to really know who I am in this 20years I have spent my time with myself. I thought I know everything I should know but everyday I see how bad I am. I think whatever kind of realization I may get it seems temporary all the time. Feelings are really temporary. Is it?

Dreams has it own prison, I think. All dreams that we want to come to past has its limitations, has its boundaries. A prison that limits us to do all we want to have. Whether direct or indirect prisons (e.g.: family, friends, acquaintances).

I want to write what i feel today. I feel I am totally useless. In addition I quote "you know MORE how useless you are when you grow older" isn't it? Is that so? I don't really know. I can't seem to argue, which normally I would do.

Starting from now, I will faithfully write to this blog. As an evidence of my living, not only for my use. I know my life is not inspiring, nor do I have trials to inspire others. I just want to look back to this when I am old. Which I should have done earlier before now.

Writing is really what I love to do. However what I am now, will not make me able to write more. Writing inspiration and influencing stories and poems, that is my dream. I also wanted to try for a day on how to be a Japanese. I really like their culture, not greater than our own, but still its quite good to understand more. I am a nationalist, but I see that Japanese people are more patriotic than my fellow Filipinos. If they can, we should be better! that's what I thought...

Will writing make me succeed? or make me happy instead? Will I be able to do things that could be helpful to others? I've grown to be so LAZY, VERY LAZY!!! I hate myself but couldn't change it. I live my life in the ID principle. I hope I could be better and help others a lot without making any bad comments after. I wish I could be someone like that, not that cool but very HELPFUL. The reality that I really helped and not just for its sense.

I want to have my own dream but it seems that I can't have one. Why? Why does other people have their own plans straightened up? And how can someone love forever sacrificially? I seem to not understand many things, and just asked myself why and just heard a blank answer. Why don't I have a concrete a dream? Why didn't I develop that? My foundations are really weak. I would love to have younger siblings. I would like to talk a lot of fun when eating.

I want to be ME, IF I could know and find the REAL me. It seems that I am a GAS CHAMELEON. I adapt much and doesn't have a concrete form. Is that it? I really don't know. I am very confused. However I am happy that my body still does what I command it to do, and I am very grateful to GOD for that. For still having my FREE WILL. I am very humbled and grateful, i don't know what to think next. Why does "pain" exist in this world? Is this a test for every people? An inescapable path. LIVE now and do what you can NOW, CHANGE for NOW and don't wait for the future to change you: the future is not sure, BUT NOW is at your hands: I think. That's what I think I have learned today.